Friday, November 14, 2008

Don't dehumanise me.

Why is it so difficult to admit that we are less than perfect beings? That we sometimes get tempted, that sometimes we feel the very human emotions of tiredness, loneliness, longing?

Just because I say I get tired, just because I say sometimes I'm tempted to be selfish, does that mean I'm not right with God? Does it mean I don't have my values in the right place? Does it mean *gasp* I don't trust God in all things?

Let me explain. My husband's work schedule is crazy. I hate it. On weekends we serve in church. Both of us. Sometimes I'm drained. No, make that many times I'm drained. I wish he were around more. So sometimes do I feel selfish? Yes. Sometimes do I wish he had less on his plate, workwise and churchwise? Yes. Sometimes do I wish he would say "no" instead of always saying "yes"? Yes.

But do we stop doing what we do? No. Is it tough? You bet!

That's called sacrifice. A sacrifice that comes from obedience.

What would you have me do? We still serve cheerfully, yes we do. I still sleepily kiss him goodbye when he leaves in the morning for his 24 hour work shifts. But when it's late at night and I miss him, or when I've had a tough day without him and I'm facing a tough night ahead, or when I'm out with my family and everyone has his/her spouse with him/her except me, am I allowed to feel a little wistful? Am I allowed to feel a little longing? Am I allowed to feel a little lonely?

You can spiritualise everything. But don't dehumanise me.

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