I'm a little blue today. Found a varicose vein on my inner thigh. It's bulging and blue and looks absolutely awful.
My body's not taking this pregnancy too well, I think. I know all the literature states that every pregnancy is different - but really, my body seems to be in complete upheaval this time round.
I didn't really have any skin problems the first time round - no breakouts, only perhaps an increased sensitivity to my usual facial cleanser which was resolved once I changed products - but this pregnancy's got my face looking like the "Pacific Ring of Fire". Little volcanoes erupting all along the hairline. And on my neck. And on my ears.
And I've got dry patches on my body - I'm not telling where! - and no amount of shea butter or whatever moisturiser seems to do anything to make it better.
And my hair! I wash my hair daily with my usual shampoo and my scalp's still perpetually oily.
But all that's just external. My morning sickness, while thankfully subsided somewhat, hasn't gone away totally. I get horribly carsick. Cooking smells make me want to throw up. And I have food aversions. A lot of food aversions. Don't want to eat seafood. Or garlic. Or red meat. Don't like ice cream. Milk doesn't go down well. Curry is too spicy. Soya sauce too salty. Desserts too sweet. Yah, I have food aversions. As in to food in general.
Only thing I feel like eating is fish. But can't eat fish now! Not after the unagi incident!
I injured my tailbone during my first pregnancy. Coughed so hard during an illness that I injured it. Hurt for the remainder of that pregnancy. It never really recovered after childbirth, as it would still be a little sensitive when I sit in a bad position for some time and try to get up. But the pain's coming back in full force - I had trouble getting up from the couch just now. And I'm only 17 weeks along. Does that mean it's going to hurt for the rest of the 23 weeks left?? I can't bear to think of it.
But it's not all bad I guess. I'm emotionally more stable this time round. Less needy, less insecure of Adrian's love. After all, he's seen me in labour and through childbirth! I can't possibly look worse than that! I think our relationship is much better than during my first time. We don't argue so much. Maybe he knows what to expect and which buttons not to press. Maybe I don't cling so much, don't read so much into his grumps and mumps. There's less of that restless energy too. I'm more relaxed. Less anxious. Less busy. More lazy. More peaceful and restful.
I do pray that one thing will be different though - that this baby will position himself nicely for an easy delivery. Cherise was stuck in the OP position - she never turned and was born facing up. Labour was long and slow to progress - I still remember 3 hours of contractions coming every 5 minutes or less, no pain relief, not even gas, and only progressing 0.5 cm in that time! Don't want to think about going through that again.
So, I'm 17 weeks today. Not feeling so good at the moment.