I dreamt of my baby last night. Or rather, I dreamt I gave birth to twin girls. Both had no hair, were rather short (47 cm long) but were quite fat. If dreams are the opposite of what's going to happen, does it mean I'll have one hairy boy who's rather tall, and not-so-fat?
Anyway, I think the reason why I had this weird dream was because I couldn't get to sleep last night and was reading all sorts of pregnancy-related articles on the internet. I came across this article which I thought was really cool.
Having gone through a labour that was full of interventions, leaving me feeling totally out of control (imagine: the doc didn't even tell me she was going to break my waters before she did it), I really really want this birth to be different. We've switched doctors - our obstetrician is Dr Paul Tseng whom I picked because he's known to be more pro-natural - but what I secretly desire is to be able to give birth at home.
I don't want to be confined to a bed while I'm in labour. Don't want to have to lie on my back, which was so uncomfortable the last time round. I don't want the bright lights, the horrible hospital gown, and most of all - I don't want stirrups!
I want to labour in the comfort of my home, to be able to snuggle in my bed if I so choose, to have the room dim so I can try to rest, to shower if I feel it will help and to chase everyone out of the room when I need to be alone.
Hardly anyone in Singapore ever gets to have a homebirth (planned and attended by a trained midwife). It's just not done here. Maybe too many of us women have lost the confidence that our bodies were made to have children. Even I have my doubts when I think about it further. Little thoughts sneak in. Thoughts like, "What if something goes wrong? What if I can't do it?"
So it's going to be the hospital again for us. Maybe this time it will be vastly different - after all, we got a good doctor. And now I know what I absolutely don't want so I won't be such a pushover this time round. Plus, we've got a plan. We're going to wait as long as possible before we head to the hospital. So I can just go there and push the baby out. Hooray! Target: half an hour in the labour ward! Haha!